Transformation

Trasformation is a buzz word that we use a lot in Students International. We say that we are about seeing people's lives transformed into the likeness of Christ. We want to see this in the lives of the people in the communities we serve, among the outreach participants that come to work with us, and we even say that we need and want this for ourselves. We want to be transformed by Jesus and be like him. We want to be and live like Jesus. We want to love the way he loves and act the way he acts.

But how, exactly?

Yesterday, José brought a song for the worship time at our staff meeting. I can't get the images out of my head.

Déjame hoy besar las heridas de tus manos y tus pies,
las heridas que pecando provoqué.
Déjame reclinar mi mejilla en tus espaldas y llorar
por haberlas lacerado en mi maldad.

No merecía tanto amor.

Translation:
Let me today kiss the wounds on your hands and feet,
the wounds that my sin provoked.
Let me lay my cheek against your back and cry
for having caused the lacerations (in my badness)

I didn't deserve that much love.

I know the crucifixion story, and the Easter story. I've seen the Passion (in oh-so-many forms). It's not like Jesus' woundedness hasn't struck me before in a personal way. But how many times have I had the courage to ask the Lord's permission to kiss the wounds that I caused? Or rub my face in the cuts on his back? That's. . . gross. And weird. And, it would require me to really examine myself and really face my sin, my weakness, my brokenness. Maybe even ask God to tell me the truth about myself. So vulnerable and so, so intimate. And really, very scary, potentially painful.

But, I'm learning more and more that that's where transformation happens. In moments of intimacy with Jesus. Knowing Jesus. Because it isn't just that we wallow in our horridness, or know about God's love. If I really get that close to Jesus, and truly, honestly, grieve my part in those wounds, grieve my inadequacies and my failures, I experience, experience, Jesus' love and grace that I don't deserve. He never turns away a broken heart. And knowing him that way changes me. It transforms me. And I start to become more like him. More able to give grace and love to others who don't deserve it because I have been humbled and healed and have experienced it myself as someone who doesn't deserve it.

Like I said, I can't stop thinking about those images. God, give me the courage to come close to you and let you transform me. I want to know you more. I want to know you more that way, that closely.