Earthquakes and Rocks

"For the mountains may move
and the hills disappear, 
but even then my faithful love for you will remain. 
My covenant of blessing will never be broken," 
says the LORD, who has mercy on you.  
Isaiah 54:10

The LORD is my rock, 
my fortress, 
and my savior; 
my God is my rock, in whom I find protection.  
He is my shield, 
the power that saves me, 
and my place of safety.  
Psalm 18:2

Haven't blogged for awhile.  Sometimes too many half-formed ideas and thoughts are swimming around, percolating, in my mind and I can't pin them down enough to write about them.  But this is a big idea that God  has been teaching me in the last season or two.  I think I can write about it now.

Some things have happened around us this past year that have been really hard.  Things that have been both harder and easier for us to watch and be a part of because we live "far away."  Many times I have thanked God for his mercy because we have possibly been spared a lot of heartache due to distance; other times I have maybe grieved more deeply because we couldn't be closer to help and be more involved.  We have likened these events to many things, but I think the most accurate description would be that they have been like earthquakes.  Earthquakes in the sense that sometimes we take for granted certain aspects of our lives as givens, and then something happens to shake it all up, mess it all up, or even just plain change it all.

I look up to the mountains-
does my help come from there?
My help comes from the LORD
who made heaven and earth!  
Psalm 121:1-2

How many times have I looked to the mountains for help?  Counted on the mountains and the things I considered constants in life to be there, to help me---only to have them be shaken, torn down, disappeared?  People, churches, jobs, families, health, hearts--they can all change.  Loyalties can shift, things die.  Some changes are good and for positive reasons.  But usually there is also loss and grieving, even in the best of changes.  The things I once thought would always be around seem to be so swiftly  shaken up and swept away. 

So, where does my help come from?  Who is my Rock?  If everything around or in us falls apart, where do we turn?  Although I always knew the right words, this last year I have really seen, really been learning, that God is the only rock that will never be moved.  My loyalty is to God alone.  My trust is in God alone.  God is my only refuge, my place of safety, my only shield.  The mountains may move--in fact they probably will--but God will always be the constant that does not crumble.  God will strengthen, God will save, God will redeem, and God will bless.  My hope is in him.

Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken. 
Psalm 62:5-6

Pasantes Especiales/Special Interns

These two young men helped us launch an internship program this year, and we are so proud of their work.  Justin and William are on the soccer team in Los Guido that is part of our SI-CR sports ministry.  They had both dropped out of high school, which is pretty common, but makes future job possibilities bleak.  Both of these guys had demonstrated leadership qualities, and at the beginning of 2013 we were in need of some extra help in our ministry sites.  Hence the idea to start a program to help young people finish high school (or go to trade school) while gaining valuable resume experience, give them an opportunity to be discipled, AND provide real help in our ministry sites. 

We weren't sure how it would go, but we're happy to report that it has been a good year. William and Justin have truly been a support and blessing to the sites they've been a part of, and we are all very grateful for their willingness to be guinea pigs.  Of the 4 young men who started the program in January they are the only two who finished the year.  William successfully completed a certificate program in basic electronics and Justin took a giant leap forward toward being a professional soccer player as he played regularly for a local second division team.  They  also served in our sports, social services, and micro business ministry sites.  They were a tremendous help!

As is usually the case, this program would not have been a success without God's faithful hand and many hours of hard work by our incredible co-workers.  All of our staff invested in some way in these two lives.  I (Jeff) enjoyed getting to know these two guys who are both filled with potential and have many challenges to overcome.  Throughout the year I had the privilege to laugh, cry, and pray with them.  We had several heart-to-heart conversations as we rode the roller coaster of life together, and as I tried to learn the balance between loving mentor and stern boss.  What a privilege it was to watch as both took significant steps forward in their faith journey.  In the midst of the business and the to-do lists, working with William and Justin was a reminder of why we do what we do.  They are two lives in the midst of transformation.  Yet a funny thing often happens when we seek to serve and see lives transformed, as God often does a work in our own lives.  As I sought to mentor and to teach I found myself being the student, as I learned much from these two young men.  Thank you William and Justin for being good teachers!

That Explains It

Sawyer has hated church for as long as I can remember.  It's boring.  It's loud (he plugs his ears most of the time during worship).  It's hot.  There're too many people.  This has created problems for us, his missionary parents.  How embarrassing that this cute little blondie-foreigner cannot sit still on a chair in a crowd of people and ends up kicking them, or shouting out at the quietest moment, or in some other way is at best a distraction for sweet old ladies that want to worship and learn, or for other families whose children sit still and entertain themselves. . . or actually listen and sing and pray at all the right times.   So often one of us has ended up pulling him out and sitting in a side room with him.  Torture for him.  Torture for us.  Is he going to hate God because we make him go to church?  Hate us because we whisper threats to him, hoping no one around us speaks enough English to understand?

Some Sundays are okay.  There was the one that I let Sawyer play his harmonica down between the chairs during worship.  He played his heart out.  Many have been the kind where I wonder, "What must they be thinking about us?"  Crazy gringos.  Horrible parents.  Wild, naughty child.  All in Spanish, of course.  This kind of thinking, naturally, does a lot for feeling nourished.

We love Sawyer.  He is funny, smart, quit-witted, kind.  He is creative and imaginative.  He loves to 'fix' and invent things.  He loves puzzles and figuring out things.  When he focuses, there is no stopping or deterring him.  He needs to be told 138 times to get his socks and shoes on. . .  He loves sports, climbing, anything active.  He also loves music and God, just not-so-much in church.  He makes huge messes looking for one tiny lego piece, and then can't understand why he should clean them up.  He loses all his glue sticks and colored pencils within a week of getting new ones.  His teacher staples a note or homework list in his agenda book and sometimes they are lost by the time he gets home--and he doesn't even ride the bus.  I finally patched his school uniform pants; now the patches are getting holes.  He's an encourager and an optimist most of the time, but is easily frustrated and hurt by things that seem trivial.  He will grasp any concept that he is taught, but has a hard time remembering rules and manners.   He's loud, but hates a noisy environment.  Loves to entertain, but feels better alone or with just a couple of people.  He will throw himself on the floor playing and not get hurt, but then flip out when someone touches him.

For the last few years, we have had meetings with Sawyer's teachers and the school psychologist regarding his impulsivity and the things written above.  Every time they said to wait on evaluating him because maybe he would mature (and he has, some), maybe he just needed an iron fist, maybe he was just a normal-active little boy.  This year, his 1st grade teachers (who were angels!) finally agreed that maybe it was time to evaluate him. They were amazing, for the record. They knew all the tricks for getting him to listen, cooperate, excel and thrive.  They were patient, but firm, and loved Sawyer very much.

So we took him to a psychologist who met with Jeff and I, then met with Sawyer a couple of times.  Long story shorter is that she told us that he has ADHD.  We were not extremely surprised and were actually kind of relieved to have answers, thinking, "that explains it. . . ."

I can't say that a whole lot has changed so far.  The psych actually said we were already doing a lot of the things she would have suggested to us, and so were his teachers.  We are not medicating him at this point, and hope that it won't be necessary in the future, either.  We have cut him back almost completely on screens (computer, video games, etc.) because we learned that the visual stimulation in screens short-circuits the brains of kids with ADHD, making things like tics worse (which Sawyer has sometimes in his eye), and also aggressiveness, even if they don't watch or play violent things.  She also said kids with ADHD in particular NEED contact with nature and outside play, which was great to hear since we've seen how much having a yard helps him.  I also picked up some massage techniques from a special ed teacher I met here that make Sawyer melt like butter.  Massaging his hands and fingers is currently making church (and other crowded places that don't interest him) much more pleasant for both Sawyer and us.  Honestly, it's really bizarre how well it works to relax him.

There's a lot more to research, like diet, weighted vests, supplements. We need some new strategies in our bag of discipline tricks.  Because of some of his extreme sensitivity to certain things, I also suspect that Sawyer has some sensory processing (integration) issues, though there is debate as to whether it is simply part of ADHD (and other disorders) or if it is it's own special thing.

Do I like labelling children?  Not especially.  I hope this doesn't put Sawyer in some kind of box.  Will it help us to know how to help him, and give us more understanding?  Absolutely.  Will it help him at church, in school, in life?  I hope so.  Now that we know a little more about how Sawyer's brain works we can find ways to harness the positive things and teach him how to cope with the challenges of ADHD.

And we can pull him out of church without feeling so frustrated.  Maybe church, in the traditional sense, will never be Sawyer's favorite thing, but now we know that it's okay to give him some help to get through it.  I know he loves God.  Thankfully God understands and loves Sawyer, too, and isn't offended if he plugs his ears during worship!  Hopefully the worship team understands, too. . . .

Thankfulness

Between semester students, the ladies from two classes, and us teachers, we realized that we represented 6 different countries!  That's a lot of diversity for a small group, so we decided to celebrate the end of English class with a cultural activity where everyone collaborated and brought food to share from their home culture. We shared a little about pilgrims and Wampanoags, turkeys, etc., too.  It was fun--and delicious!

But the point I want to make is not actually related to the food or the cultural bit.  

We took time at the end to go around and share what we were thankful for.  It was amazing.   

Sometimes we wonder if the things we do matter.  We wonder if we are really following the Holy Spirit's leading or if we are just inventing ministries on our own in vain.  And sometimes I wonder who is ministering to who.  (to whom? Hmm.)

God used Doña C that day when she shared (again) how her life changed when Maria Eliza and I went and prayed with her one day two years ago and invited her to join the micro-finance group.  To be honest, it was all Maria.  And I really have done nothing special to deserve her love and loyalty except to push her not to give up on coming to English class.  

She has never been to school.  Four of her five children have been or are in prison.  Her husband left her several years ago.  She is raising some of her grandchildren, and she has health problems that she deals with on a daily basis.  

And yet, she has learned to read enough to be able to read the Bible.  She comes to English class, not to become fluent in English, but to exercise her mind, to get out of the house.  She is thankful for all that God has done in her life.  She is thankful for the way he has acted on her behalf in the last two years.  She said that God has been so good to her, that he has spoiled her, that he has always taken care of her.  She is so thankful for the other ladies in the group, how they encourage her and lift her up.  So thankful for Diana and Cindy, the leaders of the micro-finance ministry.  And she's thankful for me, for praying for her, for helping her learn English.  

How did I get included in that list?  I hope that I'm communicating this right.

Doña C has been through some very excruciating situations in her life.  She has suffered and has not given up.  She has persevered.  She is letting God take the muck of her life and form something beautiful.  She was so close to giving up (probably many, many times), but she hasn't.

She is a hero.  And she is thankful for (among all those other things) how God has used little-old-me in her life.  I am humbled.  I am convicted.  And constantly floored.  Her praise to God cuts my soul.  While I see and rejoice with her in all that God has done, I recognize that she is still in the middle of, and reaping, terrible circumstances.   How can she be so thankful?  

And how can I be so un-thankful sometimes?  Who is ministering to whom? (to who??)  I am definitely on the receiving end with Doña C.  And I am thankful for that.  Thankful for her special spirit.  Thankful for her example of dependency and trust in the Lord.

She lives Romans 12:12.  ¹² Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 

I have found myself saying many times in the last couple of years that I will probably never know Jesus in the same way that many of the ladies in our micro-finance site have come to know him.  I haven't really concluded whether that's okay or not.  I do, however, deeply respect and admire the strength of spirit, the depth of faith, that has developed in women like Doña C because of clinging to God in the middle of suffering and pain.  So, while I might teach Doña C a few words in English, she has taught me infinitely more.

I have much to be thankful for.  And I guess I'll keep teaching English class, because I have so much still to learn.  

Psalm 103

My Own Understanding

Yesterday in English class with the "avanzadas" (the advanced group), our semester students shared Proverbs 3:5 with the ladies, which says:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart 
and lean not on your own understanding;.

Verse 6 goes on to say:

in all your ways submit to him, 
and he will make your paths straight.

In light of some of the issues several ladies from English class are facing (financial, immigration, health, unfaithful husbands, etc.), this verse was spot on for yesterday's class.  (Thank you Cristina and Elina.)  And I have been thinking about it ever since, in light of some of the things that friends are facing, that we are, too.  Things look very bleak if we see only with human eyes and human understanding.   How many times have I said things like, "God wants us to use our brain."  Or, "God gave us a brain for a reason."  But, as I have been pondering the words above, words that I memorized in my 4th grade Sunday School class, I am struck that I rely on my 'own understanding' far too often.  And I 'submit to him', or another version says 'acknowledge him,' far too little.  I try to straighten my own paths more than I trust God to do it.

Let me clarify that I DO think God wants us to use and exercise our brains, our creativity, etc. In fact the scriptures strongly encourage us to seek wisdom and understanding, to grow in our knowledge of God, etc.  But even wisdom originates with God, and is given to us by him.

I have had the luxury of a lot of safety nets in my life, including family, government, the race and class I was born into, my education, etc.  Until the last few seasons, I have not really had to depend much on the Lord.  (At least I have not recognized my dependency on the Lord.)  I can figure a lot of things out on my own, or someone I know will help me.  My 'own understanding' has typically been enough for me. And even when it hasn't been, my tendency is to worry, not to take things to God.  The culture I grew up in encourages me to be self-sufficient, independent, able to conquer anything I put my mind to.  It does not encourage me to be dependent on God, interested in the common good, or submitted to any plans God might have for my life (especially if they do not resemble the "American Dream" in some form).  My culture says it's all about me and what I want, what I can do, how smart I am.

Even the Christian culture in the USA gets these things confused sometimes. . . but I think that's another blog post.

I have written before about how much the ladies in English class teach and encourage me.  Hopefully they learn enough English to balance the scales!  As I look at some of the desperate situations they face, and as I have been learning a new kind of dependency on God, much of it from their example, those words in Proverbs take on a new, deeper meaning for me.  I might be a smart person (and I may or may not believe I'm much smarter than I really am!), but my knowledge, understanding, wisdom are NOTHING compared to God's infinity in those things.

The reality is that relying on my 'own understanding' is actually a really dumb, albeit really easy, thing to do.

So, as the paths get crooked, my current prayer is that God reminds me to trust him fully (and that he helps me trust him fully!), that I will seek HIM for answers and peace and direction, and that I will actually submit to Him when he gives those answers and direction.  The rest, the straightening of the paths, belongs to him.

Also, I am praying for the ladies in English class and all of their tough circumstances.  That they, too, will seek and trust God, and submit to him.  And that he will straighten their paths, too.

Little Things that Make a Big Difference

Yesterday morning as I ran errands I stopped by Mas x Menos, a local grocery store.  I walked in to discover that every senior citizen in Desamparados was there, or at least it felt like it. It all made sense when I remembered it was Wednesday and that meant it was it was Miercoles Fresco (Fresh Wednesday), which meant daylong specials on various items throughout the store.  Half of the time they are nothing to write home about, but the other half they have some great deals.  Yesterday was one of the days they had some great deals.  The best one was fresh boneless, skinless, chicken breast for 2,950 colones per kilogram (about $3/pound), the usual price is 5,100 colones per kilogram (just over $5/pound).  So since we tend to eat a lot of chicken and have freezer space to store it I bought 5 kilos of chicken breasts.

Due to some recent events at our ministry sites, preparing for our fall semester program, and the constant desire and quest to be more effective (whatever that means, but that is a blog post for another day) in our ministry sites I have been thinking a lot about poverty and the various cycles we see repeated in the communities we work in.  As I drove home from Mas x Menos I started to think about the little things that made it possible for me to take advantage of a good deal.  Little things that make a big difference, things that I have in my favor that many of my friends, here, do not.

I was able to get to the store to take advantage of the sale.  Transportation is something we tend to take for granted until we don’t have it.  I like to remind our student teams that being able to ride the bus is often a privilege.  Owning your own car is a never realized dream for many.  But the fact that I drove to the store meant that I did not have to think twice about how I was going to get the 11 pounds of chicken home.  I certainly would not want to carry it and the other items I purchased as I walked to the bus stop, climbed on the bus, fumbled for change to pay the bus, stood up on the full bus, and then walked from the stop to my house.  After all they don’t make those plastic grocery bags as strong as they used to!

I knew that we had room in the freezer to be able to store the chicken until we needed it.  I also knew that while money tends to be tight these days we had enough in our bank account to be able to make this unplanned purchase that will in the long run save us money.  Forget living paycheck to paycheck, I have been reminded lately how many of my friends are living moment to moment not knowing where the next meal is coming from.  Many of them would have been thrilled to get one chicken breast, let alone 11 pounds.

There are probably many other “little things” that combined to make it possible for me to buy that chicken.  Little things that don’t seem like a big deal like transportation, freezer space, and a few dollars in a banking account, but that make a big difference.  So often as we walk alongside people the world has forgotten I want to make a big difference or do something that will drastically change reality for people I have come to love dearly.  But yesterday as I put the chicken in the freezer I found myself thinking, “How can we empower someone with something little, that will make a big difference?” --Jeff

A Backyard

We have longed for a backyard for what feels like forever.  There are not a lot of backyards in the San Jose/Heredia/Alajuela Metro Area.  Some city planner realized years ago that this mesa (valley?) we live in had limited space and divvied it up into miniscule plots so as to be able to squish as many people as possible in between all the beautiful mountains.  Or so it would seem.  At any rate, most people here seem to value more house-space than yard-space, so not many houses have yards left, even if they started out with one.  We feel lucky to have the little green patch that we do right now.  It needs a little TLC, and we'd love for it to be bigger.  But.  We love it for what it is.

It has a cas tree that is about to be laden with cas.  And aloe vera--the biggest one I've ever seen.  The whole space can be weed-wacked in about 10 minutes.  Since our dryer is out of commission, we can hang our clothes out and they dry fast (if it's sunny).  It's big enough for a kiddie pool, a rope 'swing', reading books, and a little patch for the kids to throw seeds into.  You can even throw a ball back there--though not too high--we've had to retrieve three balls from the roof/gutter so far.  

Laundry (pila) area

Roofed clotheslines

How I actually like to dry the clothes (but I still miss the dryer, for the record)

Makeshift closet/storage area/bodega (red door is to the guest room)

Yay for sun and water!!

Reading with friends who visited (note the aloe vera on the back wall)