His Presence

Exodus 33:12-17

¹² Moses said to the Lord, “You have been telling me, ‘Lead these people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, ‘I know you by name and you have found favor with me.’ ¹³ If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.”

¹⁴ The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

¹⁵ Then Moses said to him, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. ¹⁶ How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?”

¹⁷ And the Lord said to Moses, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”

I read this the other day as part of the Jesus Calling devotional I've been reading.  And here are some of my thoughts about it.  It was timely, b/c I've referenced this passage recently while talking about finding a house for us to move into. And because we saw a house with a yard last week that we actually liked at a price we can think about affording.  We have been really convicted throughout this whole process that God's hand is, and needs to be, involved in choosing the right place to live. We need God to show us very obviously where he wants us.  Until he does, and if he does not 'go with us', it's better to wait.

I feel like I should add that I don't think God works this way all, or even most, of the time.  Most of the time I think God says something along the lines of, "I gave you a brain; use it.  I gave you freedom; use exercise it."  When we bought our house in CA, we simply looked for 1) something we liked in 2) our price range.  Two filters.  Yes, we considered neighborhoods and resale, but barely.  It wasn't excruciating to find that house.  I think we looked at maybe five others (maybe) along with ours.  And when we saw it, we knew.  I think we moved in within about a month.  I think that house was God's provision and blessing for us, and he gave us a lot of freedom in choosing it.

This time, we have more filters with which to sift the options.  We feel constrained.  We feel like we could easily make the wrong choice.  We are accountable to more people, our ministry, our kids, more responsibilities.  Our biggest filter this time is geographic location so that we are not too far away from (or inaccessible to) staff, the communities we work in, the students and groups that come, and the new office (!).

Defining 'too far' has been a Gethsemane battle, because we could move up far into the mountains, where it is beautiful and peaceful, have a finca, pay very little, and justify the distance and tranquility with finances.  Or, we can keep looking within the circle (more or less) that we feel convicted to stay within, which means (generally speaking) few and small yards, expensive properties (to rent or buy), noise, and crime.  The pay off for option #2 is convenience.

Option #2 is where God has called us.

Anyway, the temptation is strong, folks, and I have had to sacrifice my will to his over and over.  And over.  What I 'like' seems to be becoming the least important of the filters. . .  and so even-more-so, we need God to show us, we need to know.  He could lead us to the diamond in the rough (Oh, I hope!), but he might not.  Ouch.  Then what?  He's God.  Will I choose to accept his will and be content?  Will I trust him? While we have a lot to consider and a lot of responsibilities, we also recognize that we are not more important, or more special, than anyone else who also might prefer to have a yard-and-tranquility-and-a-guest-room-and-windows-in-all-the-bedrooms-and-a-kitchen-that-more-than-two-people-can-hang-out-in-and-, wait--I may or may not be on the verge of whining.

Will I trust him?  Will I trust him if his Presence leads us through the desert?  To a house I don't like? Will I trust him if his Presence leads through suffering?  If he doesn't do what I think he should?

I want to say that, yes, of course.  But, if I'm honest, I'd rather not be tested on that one yet. . . and, while they go hand-in-hand, maybe sometimes obeying out of sheer grit is easier than actually trusting and having peace.

This giving up my preferences and the things I have for so long considered my 'rights' is, by far, the hardest part (maybe the ugliest, too) of my USA identity and culture to sacrifice.  (Jesus, how did you give up so much???  And how am I ever going to be able to have that same attitude???  Phil. 2)

It's not called a refiner's fire for nothing.

"My Presence will go with you." Yep, I know I don't deserve it, but that's what I want, too.  What I need.  

"I will give you rest."  Funny that Moses didn't even ask for that, but God knew he needed it.  

"I am pleased with you and I know you by name."  Pretty amazing to hear from The.God.of.the.Universe. Moses was full of faults and humanity, just like me.  And God knew him and was pleased with him.  So, there's hope for me, too. :)  

God, please make your Presence obvious to us.  Maybe not the pillar of smoke and fire, but something, so that we know where you want us to go, to live.  Help us to trust you while we wait, and help us to trust you when you say to go--no matter what the house looks like, no matter how much it costs, whether it has a yard or not, whether or not it's what I imagine.  Your will, not mine.  We just want your Presence to go before us.  Don't let us go anywhere without it.

Programa de Becas

In December, as we looked forward to 2013, we had two challenges that combined to create a great opportunity.  We were wanting to have more help at some of our ministry sites to continue to be able to grow and improve.  Simultaneously we had several guys on our soccer team who were needing something more.  We had guys who were ready for a next step as they considered their education and we also wanted to find ways to have a more intense discipleship and mentoring program with a few guys. Due to varying circumstances many of the guys on the soccer team are in night school or only attending high school a couple of days a week, so this means one of their biggest resources is time.  A few of the guys asked us if there was something they could do to work and further their studies. So in conversations with Diego Soto (Our director of Sports and Recreation and also the coach of the soccer team) the idea for the "Programa de Becas" or Scholarship Program was born.

In January we started a pilot program with room for three participants.  As part of the program they would be required to be attending some form of high school, attend the weekly English class we offer for the soccer team at the Tutoring Center, attend a weekly meeting, and work 3 or 4 days a week at a ministry site.  As part of the program they  receive the use of books for high school and enrolment in a trade school class of their choice.

The program has gotten off to a great start, although we did have to ask one participant to leave the program as he was not completing the requirements.  However, this happened early enough that we were able to add one more from the waiting list to have a total of 3.  Rigo, William, and Justin have been incredible!  They have been a tremendous help at our ministry sites and helping us host short-term teams.  Please pray that God would continue to transform their lives through the formal and informal times our staff share with them.

Rigo signing up children for an activity at the sports ministry site

Rigo, William, Justin (on the right), and some of our staff with a team we recently hosted from Mississippi.

A Few More Things

1. I never gave a report on my eye surgery last November.  (Oh, for consistent blogging. . .) Praise the Lord!  The surgery was successful and all my follow-up appointments have shown good scar tissue and no new areas of concern.  The doctor ended up sealing up most of the sides in both of my eyes, which was a little spooky, but also good that she caught all the little potential problems.  The other great thing is that our insurance covered most of it!!  Whew.  Thankful on all counts.

2. In December, right before Christmas, my Grandpa Roub (dad's dad) slipped on some ice and broke his hip.  After a successful surgery, he experienced complications that unexpectedly led to his death.  I was able to go to Minnesota to be with everyone for his funeral, for which I was, and am, so very grateful.  These are the things that can make Costa Rica feel really far away.  My grandpa was a wonderful man.  A word several people used to describe him was steady.  He was a steady example of a follower of Christ, of a husband, father, grandpa, friend.  I know he is having a marvellous time in heaven, and am thankful for the hope I have of seeing him again, but for now I miss him.

The 3rd Generation (minus Jeff) at Grandpa's funeral

3. At the beginning of January our 2nd-ever semester program with Fresno Pacific University kicked off.  This spring we are hosting 14 enthusiastic young men and women in our program.  They are living with host families, studying Spanish, and taking courses with us on culture and incarnational ministry.  They will also travel to Nicaragua for a week this month.  We love semester programs for their life-impacting potential, and the chance to mentor students on a longer-term basis.

FPU semester students + some SI staff 

The BEACH!!!

4. Recently, my parents visited with us for about 10 days.  We got to take advantage of a wedding near the beach and an excursion with our semester students from FPU to do some 'touristy' things with them.  It was fun, and I'm pretty sure they were tired out from playing with Olivia, Sawyer and Lynnea by the end!

At the Basilica in Cartago

Grandpa's "surprise" birthday party, planned by Olivia

At the house we rented near Playa Negra

2 Things: School 2013 & Office/House Update

School 2013
We'll start with the good news.  :)  Yesterday and today initiated the start of the 2013 school year here in Costa Rica.  Olivia and Sawyer both had great first days back, as did Lynnea (though she's been going intermittently to daycare since December).  As I dropped the older ones off at their classrooms, met their teachers, listened to the principal share her pep talk and hopes for the new year, and put the students, teachers and facilities in God's hands, I felt confirmed that this is the right place for them again this year.  See, this last year I started thinking about homeschooling.  Gasp.  Yes, I, the teacher who has never had a desire to try teaching her own children at home, opened the door of my heart a little bit to the possibility.  The main reason is finances.  St. Michael has been getting more expensive every year by about 10-15%, and I would rather choose to homeschool before I am  forced to homeschool.  But all the positive reasons that we have them there in the first place were right in front of my eyes the last couple of days.  Caring teachers, good friends, bilingual education, a great playground (I cannot over-emphasize the playground), positive environment, art/music/P.E./computer/extra-curriculars, organized curriculum--St. Michael is a great place.  It's not perfect, but what school is?  And we see it as the closest, most economical, best option for our kids.  Now, I know that the whole rest of the year is ahead of us, and a lot could happen.  But, I am thankful, for now, that we can keep them there.  We're going to drive them ourselves to save expenses on bus service--might end up being a frustrating idea since the entrance/road getting in is narrow and gets backed up like crazy--but since Olivia and Sawyer are on the same schedule this year, at least it's only one drop-off and pick-up per day.  We'll see how it goes.

Office/Home Search
In other news, we are hunting for a new office location, and still looking for a new home for our family as well.  To be honest, while it's been really interesting to look at so many places, we feel like we've turned over every rock and leaf and come up with NOTHING.

There is a possible office location on the same street as the language school we work with, and therefore near our host families and near bus lines, that we think would be perfect.  It has a big-separate-open room for meetings, devotions and team activities, English classes, etc.  And also a small house that we could use for individual offices, storage, a work station for students, cooking/baking for different events, etc.  It even has a little back yard that students, staff, people from our ministry sites, etc. could sit and enjoy.  The only problem is that the rent is at least double what SI-CR is paying now for the current office that is part of our home.  We had the idea of renting one of the rooms to a staff member, but it looks like that won't work out, so the finances are even more limited.  We, and the neighbors, feel that they are asking too much for the space, but that probably they have invested a lot of money into it (they just bought it and are remodelling it) and can't afford to go lower.  So, we're not sure what to do.  In the meantime, we're waiting, I guess.  We don't want to cheat them, but we simply can't afford what they are asking.  We are trusting that God will show us exactly where he wants the next SI office to be, as well as make the finances work out. . .

As far as a home for our family. . . more NOTHING.  We've looked at a lot of mediocre options that are too expensive, a few good options that are even more expensive or too far away, and a few things that just plain would NOT work for a multitude of reasons.  For example, Jeff and I looked at a 1/4 acre lot today that is being sold for about $22,000, only to find out it's located right above the huge stinky dump, and on a steep dirt road that might be impossible to climb in rainy season.  No wonder it's so cheap.  Waste of time.  Sigh.

So, on the plus side, the search has been interesting, and we've also successfully eliminated half (or more) of Desamparados from all the possibilities.  I actually have a notebook that is filling up with big X's.

Please pray for us.  We're really not sure what we're supposed to do, or what God is trying tell us or teach us in all of this--or if he is.  Will he find us 'just the right thing'?  Or will he teach us to adjust our idea of 'just right'?  Should we rent or buy?  Should we try to get a loan here after all, even with high interest rates? (Someone recently told us about a law here that says foreign banks can't hold titles on houses in CR, not that we had much hope in soliciting Wells Fargo anyway. . . )  Should we invest money in something we don't like, even if it's all we can afford?  Should we try to get a personal loan?  From who?  Should we pay a ridiculous rent (or mortgage) to get something with a yard and windows that would have room for guests (our desire)?  Is it too much to ask for a floor plan that makes sense?  Are we asking for too much?  Being too picky?  Is something else going on that we are unaware of??  Maybe we're just being impatient and not trusting the Lord enough.

Maybe we're just plain going crazy running circles like these around in our heads!?!?!   : P

Seriously, please, pray for us.  We're tired of guessing what would be best for us.

P.S.  I have discussed with the Lord that I'd be much more open to homeschooling if we had a great yard for doing recess. . .  I'm sure he loves that.

2 Car Family

Skipping over my excuses for not blogging since July (GASP!!), I'm grateful to announce that we Dixons have added a van to our family!  We had long prayed and looked for a second vehicle for our family and ministry and had decided on getting a Hyundai Starex.  Our plan was to look for one seriously after our trip to the states in September.  (By the way, we were in the states in September. . .)  However, while there we received a mass email about one that was for sale.  Long story short: we bought it not long after our return to Costa Rica.  It's a 2001, 12 passenger, was owned by missionaries previously, and was a good price.  It fits in our garage with the Galloper (barely) and even has AC.  Yes, we are feeling spoiled.  There were a few minor things that needed maintenance, but overall it was in good shape.  (It did have a head gasket that went bad on the way back from a beach trip with our staff. . .but, all things considered, it could have been a lot worse, and that's another story.)  We are so thankful for a second vehicle; it will make life less complicated with our kids' schedules/pick-ups/activities, and also help out with transportation when we host groups and other visitors.  Plus, since car maintenance is a regular part of life here, we are hoping our cars will take turns at the mechanic and that we'll always have at least one running!  ; )

A special thank you to those who donated specifically towards us buying a vehicle.  We hope you'll come for a ride sometime!!              

----Tracey

Eye Surgery: Bleh

It seems my extreme near-sightedness is catching up with me.  In August, I finally went to the eye-doctor, which I hadn't done in the 4 years we've lived here (Big mistake.).  I found out that I have 2 thinning spots on my left retina that need to be lasered to my eye to prevent the retina from ripping.  Yikes.  Thankfully, I haven't really had symptoms of any problems, but I always hoped that eye surgery would mean correcting my prescription.  Apparently, I have to take care of this first.  So, Monday, if our insurance gives us pre-authorization to cover the costs, I will go in and have my retina secured.  Please pray for 2 things: insurance coverage and that the surgery and recovery will go smoothly, without complication.  Thank you so much!  I'll keep ya posted. . .   ---Tracey

James

This year in SI, we are studying the book of James, which is one of my favorites!  Both Jeff and I have had the privilege of leading different days of the study with our short-term teams this summer, and it has been great to see the wheels turning as the Holy Spirit works in each of our hearts.

While there are MANY wonderful themes that James writes about (poverty and wealth, faith and deeds, taming the tongue, trials, etc.), one that keeps popping out to me is WISDOM.  In James 1 it says that God gives wisdom "generously to all without finding fault."  In the New Living it says to ask for wisdom "expecting an answer," and I love that because I seem to need a lot of wisdom.  I need wisdom in parenting, in marriage, in friendships, in cross-cultural interactions, in teaching, etc. etc.

As I've reflected on wisdom, a couple of questions have come to my mind.  One is: What IS wisdom?  How do I recognize wisdom?  And the other is: Why does God love to give wisdom so much?  I can't say that I have discovered all the answers to these questions, but I have found a few.

First of all, I was delighted to discover in James 3:17 a list of wisdom's characteristics.  "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."  Naturally, I had to ask myself, "How often do I evaluate my moment-by-moment decisions based on these things. . .?"  Not.often.enough.  The opposite of these things are impure, conflictive, inconsiderate, rebellious/non-yielding, judging, bad fruit, showing favoritism (prejudice, unfair), insincere.  These are the "world's wisdom," and I can recognize these things in the motivations of many decisions I've made.  But, I am inspired to use the positive characteristics as a filter for future decisions.

The other question that occurred to me about why God likes to give out wisdom doesn't have a specific verse attached to it, but more something that he's been showing me over time:  He wants me to be dependent on him.  Correction: I AM dependent on him and it's silly to ever think I'm not.  The Bible talks about God opposing the proud, but lifting the humble.  When I think I don't need wisdom because I already know everything, I am being prideful. . . and foolish.  When I admit that I have a need for wisdom (or anything else!), I am telling the truth about the way things are; I am not self-sufficient, I have not arrived, and I need God in my life.  He loves that!  

In our bible studies with the groups, we reflected on the fact that we come from a culture of independence and self-sufficiency and how contrary those things are to our dependence on God.  In fact, if we believe our culture's message about those things, it could make it difficult to ever realize that we need God for anything.  My tendency is to look out for, and depend on "Number 1."  But, I have seen men, women and children with nowhere to turn except God because of their desperate circumstances, and have recognized in them a richness of faith that I may never know.  While I am praying that my child will please eat her fruits and veggies, another mom I know is praying that her child will have the option to eat at all today.  Rather sobering.

So, Lord, give me WISDOM from heaven, please!  Show me how to live, how to depend on you, how to hear you when you speak, and how to recognize your voice!  Help me to filter my choices, words, and interactions with peace, mercy, consideration, and sincerity.  Please, because on my own I am nothing.