Transformation

Trasformation is a buzz word that we use a lot in Students International. We say that we are about seeing people's lives transformed into the likeness of Christ. We want to see this in the lives of the people in the communities we serve, among the outreach participants that come to work with us, and we even say that we need and want this for ourselves. We want to be transformed by Jesus and be like him. We want to be and live like Jesus. We want to love the way he loves and act the way he acts.

But how, exactly?

Yesterday, José brought a song for the worship time at our staff meeting. I can't get the images out of my head.

Déjame hoy besar las heridas de tus manos y tus pies,
las heridas que pecando provoqué.
Déjame reclinar mi mejilla en tus espaldas y llorar
por haberlas lacerado en mi maldad.

No merecía tanto amor.

Translation:
Let me today kiss the wounds on your hands and feet,
the wounds that my sin provoked.
Let me lay my cheek against your back and cry
for having caused the lacerations (in my badness)

I didn't deserve that much love.

I know the crucifixion story, and the Easter story. I've seen the Passion (in oh-so-many forms). It's not like Jesus' woundedness hasn't struck me before in a personal way. But how many times have I had the courage to ask the Lord's permission to kiss the wounds that I caused? Or rub my face in the cuts on his back? That's. . . gross. And weird. And, it would require me to really examine myself and really face my sin, my weakness, my brokenness. Maybe even ask God to tell me the truth about myself. So vulnerable and so, so intimate. And really, very scary, potentially painful.

But, I'm learning more and more that that's where transformation happens. In moments of intimacy with Jesus. Knowing Jesus. Because it isn't just that we wallow in our horridness, or know about God's love. If I really get that close to Jesus, and truly, honestly, grieve my part in those wounds, grieve my inadequacies and my failures, I experience, experience, Jesus' love and grace that I don't deserve. He never turns away a broken heart. And knowing him that way changes me. It transforms me. And I start to become more like him. More able to give grace and love to others who don't deserve it because I have been humbled and healed and have experienced it myself as someone who doesn't deserve it.

Like I said, I can't stop thinking about those images. God, give me the courage to come close to you and let you transform me. I want to know you more. I want to know you more that way, that closely.

Sunday School

Yesterday we woke up and there was no water in the house. So, Jeff went with Olivia to buy a 5-gallon jug of water at the store. However, the car wouldn't start. Anyway, to make a long story short, by the time Jeff got the car started and got back from the store, it was a little late to try and get ready for church. So we decided to have our own Sunday School.

Here's a cute picture of Jeff reading "You Are Special" to the kids. This is such a great book!

From Sept.-Nov.2011

Psalm 103

Psalm 103:1-5

1 Let all that I am praise the Lord;
with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name.
2 Let all that I am praise the Lord;
may I never forget the good things he does for me.
3 He forgives all my sins
and heals all my diseases.
4 He redeems me from death
and crowns me with love and tender mercies.
5 He fills my life with good things.
My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!

I have been thinking and meditating a lot on these verses lately. Some thoughts swirling around in my head:
*God is praise-worthy, regardless of anything else
*God is good to me, has been good to me, and will continue to be good to me--and that will be true even if God asks us to live in a shack (though I really hope not to be tested in this!) We can all fill in our own 'thing'. . .
*The things God does for me are things that I can always count on--forgiveness, redemption, healing, mercy, etc. They are also things that ONLY God can really do for me. God is my ONLY source for those things that really matter.
*God fills my life with good things; the more that I think about it, the more I think that this primarily means filling my life with more of God. The rest of the good things I desire, or that God desires to give me are secondary to closeness with God.

So, to update you all on our housing situation, we are basically at the following place. We would love a yard. We feel a deep conviction to live within a certain strategic geographical area due to ministry needs (accessibility to staff, teams, banks, stores, buses, etc.). We have considered buying land and building the "ideal" home/office, because nothing we've seen or heard about so far would work. However, this area is quite a bit more expensive and much more 'constructed' than other outlying areas. We need to consider office space for SI. Renting a separate building/space would mean a huge increase in budget for SI. We actually like having the office in or close to our home. We also need to see about qualifying for a loan should the 'perfect' thing become available. Most immediately, we would like to renew the rent contract for our current house--to buy time, or to stay in indefinitely. Minus the yard issue, we believe it is the perfect place for us and SI-CR. God truly handpicked this house for us, without a doubt. Our landlady would like to renew the contract, however is considering how much to increase the rent to account for the rising inflation rates here. So, we are holding our breath, waiting. We are praying that the increase will be affordable, both for us and SI-CR. If not, we have no idea what our next step will be. Please pray with us. And if we end up living in a shack, :), I hope I'll still be able to trust and praise the Lord. Hold me to that, please!

If only. . .

I started a new Bible Study recently with some women living in the area. It's an English Bible Study, and there are probably multiple reasons why I decided to join it, one being that I was invited and another being that my soul has been longing for something--food, fellowship, roots, something. Anyway, I'm typically hesitant to join groups like these, but it's an eclectic group, and will be interesting; if it simply forces me to take time to reflect and seek God with others, I think it'll be worth it.

Last week, the major theme had to do with our "if only's." You know, the things we think will fulfill us and make us happy, solve our problems. I, personally, have a multitude I could rattle off. But my big one right now is this: if only we had a house with a YARD. Now, I don't think it's bad to hope for things, wish we had things, wish that things were different in our relationships or circumstances, etc. Sometimes God uses those things to work his plans out in our lives. Maybe he even prompts those feelings in us. I recently heard this referred to as "holy discontent." But, ultimately GOD is the only one that can truly fulfill me. God is the only one that can really make me 'happy.' If I am counting on a yard to make me happy, make me content to live in CR indefinitely, or to solve my kids' needs to run off their energy, then I have made this idea of a yard my idol. And idols are dead and powerless. And this is something I need to look at very closely, because the way I see it a yard WOULD solve a lot of issues and would be great for lots of reasons. I could make the Lord a list of all the reasons he should provide us with one (wait, I have done that!) I keep wrestling with God about this. First of all, he provided our current house at just the right moment, and it has been ideal for ministry, guests, housing the SI office, even for our family (really, I have no room to complain!). So, he COULD provide something just as good with a yard, too. Granted, that might mean miraculously creating a new plot of land somewhere (but it could happen). We feel like God has asked us to live in Desamparados, near the bus line, near the language school and host families, near ministry sites, with easy access to teams, staff, etc. This seriously limits the options since, by my estimation, 98% of the land with those specifications is built on already and the rest would require us to win the lottery that we don't play. Sigh. AND, I really do want to be content if God's answer is to stay put. I really do! But that means letting go, sacrificing, trusting, grieving. . . not to mention continuing to find yard alternatives.

I know that within missionary/ministry circles the issue of where to live can be a big deal. How do you balance ministry, family, and longevity? Before kids, it would have been easy to say we could live anywhere. I would have seen it as an adventure to live in a grass hut somewhere, or even in a slum. It might have even felt heroic (sickening, right?). But now, the mother bear instinct has taken over. And a little bit of the desire to have my cake and eat it too. It doesn't help to be wanting a yard and then go to green, open Minnesota where my kids were able to experience the freedom of running around and riding bikes and scooters. On Sunday, after they woke up in their Costa Rican beds, Olivia and Sawyer were both eager to ride their scooters (which I said they could ride around the house), but then quickly gave it up because there wasn't enough room. Trying to remain positive, I told them it was a good opportunity to perfect sharp turns and such. . . they are slowly warming up to the idea.

Have I made it clear that this yard issue is my biggest current "if only" idol?! I'm sure I sound spoiled and ungrateful, but I'm just sharing where I'm at in this. Nobody has to tell me it could be a lot worse! I'm just convicted, don't want it to be an idol, trying to sort it out, wanting to truly hand it over to God and trust his plans (and heart!) for my family. But. it's. so. hard. Please pray for us (and me!) in this. And if you receive any insight you'd like to pass along, feel free.

Meanwhile, we'll keep wrestling, and I think I'll keep going to Bible Study.

Minnesota

Saturday was a LONG day of travel (3 kids, 3 flights) but everything went as smoothly as it could have, and here we are in San José once again. We had a great 2 weeks in Minnesota, visiting with friends and family, sharing at Rose City Evangelical Free Church, and working out details for the semester program that starts here in January. Since we hadn't been back to the States in almost 2 years, we felt a little strange this time. The roads were so smooth, the traffic scarce, the toilet paper flushable, the Minnesota accent stronger than ever, the carpet soft and the air cold.

Thank you to everyone who hosted us for a meal, met us for coffee, came to the open house, or otherwise made an effort to visit with us. Jeff's mom and my sister even flew in to see us; is that love, or what?! Thanks especially to my parents for allowing us to create chaos in their home for 2 weeks!

Some highlights from our trip:

Rose City Church: One of our supporting churches, Rose City always welcomes us and loves to hear what God is doing in CR. We showed a short video and shared a bit from 1st John (what we've studied this year with teams) and gave an update on ministry sites and the goings-on here. The service was followed by a true Minnesotan potluck, complete with hotdishes and bars. It was good to get back to my roots :)

Grandpa Tic Tac's house: Grandpa has lots of cool cars, kittens, and green space to ride, play with, and explore. We loved the beautiful weather and the kids even got to go fishing for the first time!

Playing outside!! We don't have a yard so Olivia and Sawyer spent a lot of time running and playing in Grandma and Grandpa's yard and driveway. They got scooters and spent about 3 solid days on them!

Riding bikes! Both Olivia and Sawyer mastered bike riding on this trip--also thanks to some outdoor space! Now to find a way to keep practicing. . .

Bonfire and movie in the backyard: Yep, even though it was chilly, we enjoyed the opportunity to roast hot dogs and marshmallows and watched "Rio" on the big screen. It was especially fun since Auntie Kara and Grandma Dixon flew in that day.

Dinners, coffees, gatherings, oh my! We loved getting together with various friends from various parts of our lives. It was fun to catch up a little with you all--though the time was far too short, and the visits are too few. . .

Phipps Inn: Jeff and I escaped for a night, leaving all 3 kids with the grandparents (including a still-nursing Lynnea), to the Stillwater/Hudson area and stayed at the Phipps Inn, an adorable Victorian B&B in Hudson. We would recommend it to anyone! We love the history and small-townness of that part of MN/WI. Beautiful brick buildings and old Victorian neighborhoods; it was fun just wandering around, looking at antiques, exploring the little shops and restaurants--a much needed break.

Children's Museum of MN: One day we went to the Children's Museum with some good friends from CA who were also in the area. The kids all loved it, and so did the grown-ups, I think. We then had a birthday party for Lynnea and a "sleep over".

Shopping: I had to include it. I actually could have shopped more, and enjoyed it more, if we'd had more time. But, it was satisfying to shop and think about how much money we were saving by buying things in the US instead of in Costa Rica. :) High on my list were canned pumpkin, ortega chilies, dried fruits, and cheese. It's the simple things, right?


All in all, it was a great trip. It was great to see those of you we were able to see and wish it could be more often! Thank you to all of you for being faithful long-distance friends and family!

(PS Pictures coming soon. It's taking awhile to get them all into iPhoto)

Sé que eres Dios

I can't sleep, and I've had this song that we sang in church on Sunday stuck in my head. I don't know if it's in English or not, but thought I'd share the chorus with you.

Aunque se levante y ruja el mar
Volaré sobre la tempestad
Padre, eres Dios sobre el mar
Quieto estaré
Sé que eres Dios

(Even though the sea rises up and roars
I will soar over the storm
Father, you are God over the sea
Quiet I will be
I know that you are God)

"Lives are Changing"

We are blessed with a great staff that we are privileged to work alongside. Our job is to help place our staff in positions where they are able to succeed and to live out their calling. They then do the work of investing in people's lives, with the hopes of seeing transformation take place. So when I read and hear stories like this one it makes all the long hours and hard work more than worth it. Check it out for yourself: http://costaricaonamission.blogspot.com/